Mommick

Mommick  (mom-ick) n.  bulls**t

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My husband has his own vocabulary.  He makes up words that are probably considered profanity in the native tongue of most foreign countries.  My favorite word, however, is “mommick.”  My other favorite is “supa-dupa-whodunit.”  That means “the s**t.”  (I’m seeing a linguistic pattern here……)

So for the sake of all things important, I must inform you that this post is just a bunch of mommick as it’s Friday and I am a six-pack of Bud Light Lime away from a supa-dupa-whodunit weekend!  And so begins the bullets:

  • I feel compelled to post a sign on my employer’s wall persuading people to stray from drinking the water.  Jen is, like, the eleventy-seventh employee/employee’s wife to get knocked up.  She’s also the first who was trying.
  • I love the word “hussy”.  If it wasnt already part of the Southern Woman’s English language, I SO would have made it up on my own.
  • Some days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins.
  • Twitter is, in fact, the latest technological phenomenon.  What’s also phenomenal:  Donnie Wahlberg houses the mind of a great philosopher while continuing to wear his pants somewhere around his knees……..
  • “You have a cough?  Go home tonight; eat a whole box of Ex-Lax – tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.”  ~ Pearl Williams
  • I read an article in “Strange News” today about a man who has “a self-professed sexual fetish for slashing rubber balls.”  This makes me giggle.  That’s all I have to say about it.
  • Yeah, I have a big butt.  But they don’t write songs about small ones!
  • FYI – drinking ALL of the recommended 64 ounces of water per day will make you have to pee more than when an 8 lb. baby is laying on your bladder for the entire ninth month of gestation.  Just so you know.
  • Lady GaGa’s latest single “Love Game” has me dancing, yet asking this age-old question:  What the hell is a disco stick?
  • I have a heavy addiction to UFC.  Sweaty, muscley men beating each other to a pulp:  ahhhhhhhh!  And then when they get knocked out and get all rigid and twitchy…….mmm.
  • My two year old also has a heavy addiction to UFC.  So far, I’ve justified it with the logic that it’s a sport.  When she comes home from kindergarten with cauliflower ear, I may have to rethink my strategies……
  • Have I mentioned that I advocate annual driving tests for people 65 and over?  Watching my life flash before my eyes at 35 mph is what I consider a slow death.
  • I love my husband less today than I will tomorrow and more than yesterday when he pissed me off.
  • The new roller coaster at Cedar Point goes from 1 to 120 in 4 seconds and tops off at 400 and some feet.  I’m all over it like white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm.  In five years.  When we have our ROLLER COASTER ROAD TRIP 2014!!!!!!!!!  Whoooooooooooooo!
  • Every year the Fourth of July teaches us one very important lesson:  Fire extinguishers are for pansies.
  • Did you know they make maternity thongs?  You may not be able to button your pants, but you can still cram a string in your buttcrack!  (And some people actually wear them!)
  • WalMart carries a bubble gun that shoots bubbles out at the rate of an AK47.  This is a great way to entertain yourself, your children and your dogs.  It’s also a great way to coat your television, entertainment center, curio cabinet and sidetables in a thin film of rainbow-y slime.

Now, about that supa-dupa-whodunit weekend………….

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2 responses to “Mommick

  1. Pingback: Parental Controls « The Wit Factory

  2. Pingback: Ergodic « The Wit Factory

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