Men, Sports and Balls of All Sorts

I’m not one to yell at the television very often.

Only during UNC Men’s Basketball games:

“He was traveling!  You dumba$$ ref!  What peewee league did you come from?!  I hope you like that whistle ’cause Williams is fixin’ to permanently embody it in your face if you foul Hansbrough one more time!”

roy-williams

 

Pittsburgh Steelers games:

“That’s right, Bitches!  We’re so terribly good even our sweat towels are terrible!”

terrible towel

 

Saw movies:

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  DON’T GO IN THAT BARRICADED ROOM WITH NO LIGHTS AND A SEVERED HAND ON THE FLOOR!  THERE ARE DEAD BODIES IN THERE!  THEY DIDN’T MAKE IT SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU WILL?  IIIIIIDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!”

saw

David Copperfield Specials:

“Whoa.  I totally know how you did that.  You can’t fool me!  It was the camera angle…….had to be……..the….camera angle……er….something…”

david%20copperfield

And Family Feud:

“Balls!  BALLS!  An item jugglers often juggle is BALLS!”

family feud

So I’m watching this new show with Chris last night called “Shaq Vs.” where Shaquille O’ Neal challenges professional athletes in their own sport, like beach volleyball against Kerry Walsh and Misty Mae-Trainor (Good luck there, Buddy).   Last night, it was a home run derby against Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals.

About half way through the episode, Shaq is seated in the stands with Pujols’ wife who asks him, “So do you think you understand all the rules yet?”

He replies, “Not yet.”

“WTF?!  What do you mean ‘not yet’?!”

You’re a professional athlete!  It seems in the unwritten rule book of ‘Men, Sports and Balls of All Sorts’*, it is required that you know everything about every sport in order to be titled a professional athlete!

I was appalled!  It’s baseball, Shaq!  It’s the All-American past-time!  They’ve written songs about it!  With peanuts and Cracker Jacks and BEER!  Yes, BEER!  Ya know…..

“Take beer out to the ball game, take beer out to the crowd, buy beer and peanuts and Cracker Jacks……….”

Just, lots of BEER!

I voiced my disgust to Chris, who nodded and smiled.  I don’t know if that was the kind of nod that meant “mmm-hmmm, sure Honey” or the kind of nod that meant “I didn’t quite hear you because I’m trying to figure out the rules of baseball with Shaq”, so I let it go.  But it’s bothered me.

Apparently enough to blog about it.

 

*Men, Sports and Balls of All Sorts is a fictional, non-existent book that, now that I have come up with it, sounds like a good title for a possible future-existent book.  Hmmmm……

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One response to “Men, Sports and Balls of All Sorts

  1. I’ve spent most of my workday reading your blog because I just couldn’t get enough. You write really well and are so funny! I truely enjoyed reading it…keep me posted.

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