Polyethylene Enhancements

I know we’re trying to go all “Today’s Woman” and “Fat Is The New Thin” and get away from the stereotypical anorexic model-type and, believe you me, nobody appreciates it more than me.  Cuz if “Fat Is The New Thin”, then tell Glamour I’m available for the January cover.

See.  Here’s the thing.  When I think of anorexic model-type, I think of this


OBVIOUSLY altered but publicized all the same.

“Today’s Woman” makes me think of something like this


Healthy.  Super cute.  Like me!

Well, today I found out what Amazon’s version of “Today’s Woman” is.  Feast your eyes upon this


Same Barbie-sized waist.  New and improved Dolly Parton boobs.

Still anorexic.  Just Polyethylene Enhanced.  Complete with headlights that could be mounted atop the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse to warn sea captains of the forthcoming rocky shoreline.


So instead of advertising the clothing that you’d like me to purchase on a plastic body that somewhat resembles mine so as not to send my psyche plummeting into the abyss of depression because my body fat exceeds 2%, you put it on a mannequin who has boobs the same size as mine but still yields the chin, neck, waist and thighs of an 8 year old?

Well, Mr. Marketing Exec, I have just one very important question for you.

When will the new, enhanced boy mannequins be on display?


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