‘Tis Friday, Y’all! I think I shall start a weekly tribute to all the goings-on of the preceding 7 days, completely dedicated to TMI and Pointless Fun Facts.
I’m starting to see why you love me so much.
TOP STORY: LIZ SHAVED HER LEGS, OH YES SHE DID!
The Natives were pissed that I knocked out their habitat in One Fell Swoop, but I assured them that, much like planting a tree for each that you cut down, my exceptional bodily funtions would replace their homes within a few days’ time. There was a symphonic “Hoorah!”, then they resumed their daily activities. Crisis averted. And yes, I just compared my leg hair to the Galapagos Rainforests.
I have recently accepted that, 8 months postpardum, maternity clothes are no longer permissable. BUT I find myself in that limbo time of year when nobody buys anything for themselves because the early Christmas shoppers in the family (and by early, I mean anytime before December 23rd) may be planning to purchase or have already purchased new stuff for you. THAT means, unless it is given to me, I cannot buy it until December 26th. Thank Jesus I didn’t pack up the maternity stuff cuz I just got a free pass to sport it for another 6 weeks solid.
My darling Hubby, however, recently bestowed upon me a brand new, 3-sizes-too-big free sweatshirt! Complete with his company logo in fine screenprint on the front! That is love, people. And speaking of love, I love this sweatshirt. It is cozy and comfy and did I mention 3 sizes too big? It covers all the necessary parts and some of the unnecessary ones too! I may never take it off! Which could present problems when showering. BUT I wouldn’t have to see myself nekkid anymore. That benefit right there far surpasses personal hygiene anyday.
THE FUNNIEST STORY E.V.E.R.
If you haven’t trolled around my blogroll, then you may not be aware of the next rise in comical infamy known as Amalah. Witty mockery at its finest. My favoritest. She recently asked her readers for random post ideas. And while I suggested topics such as Eureka Salesmen and How To Make Christmas Carols Diiirrrrtttyyy, she neglected to pick me out of the sea of Wannabes. I know, I know. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. My fabulosity is iconic. She did, however, hit on the idea of Embarassing Puberty Stories. Totally worth the jump. I couldn’t quit laughing, even after I accidently farted.
THE GREAT EAR INFECTION OF OH NINE
Madelynn has been on both Augmentin for 10 days and Omnicef for 12 days with not so much as a dent in the inflammation in her cute little ear. Now she’s on the MackDaddy antibiotic, Suprax, for 14 days. If this doesn’t work, it may be tubes for my little Roo. I sure hope not. My poor baby! And fortheloveofJesus, I’ve paid the medical industry enough of my money this year. They should start paying me for bringing them such dedicated business! Ya know, you buy in bulk, you get a discount! You’re dependability is such that they start throwing in free Lakers tickets and gift cards to The Melting Pot and samples of Bath and Body Works Special Edition lotions! I’d be like a guaranteed investment! Saving The Economy is my middle three names!
JEN’S HOUSE = THE GIRLS’ NIGHT INN
After talking smack to Amy about falling asleep during Girls’ Night, I abruptly snoozed on the couch at Jen’s after we established who is on Team Edward vs. Team Jacob drooled over watched three different people try to hook up the DVD player to Jen’s new fancy schmancy TV that her husband sabotaged prior to leaving the state for four days because he wishes he could be a girl and hang out with us Twilight. I awoke still wearing my bra, intact and unfrozen. Sympathy noted for future return. Thankyouverymuch.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST – STRANGE NEWS
My office smells like burnt cabbage. Or maybe it’s burnt fish. Possibly burnt paper. Burnt something. I’m starting to suspect that an investigation is in order. Or an evacuation. Whichever I deem more appropriate.
I’ve always wanted to be the one to pull the fire alarm.