S*&ts and Giggles, Er….Googles

I Google everything.  Like, everything.

What is a home remedy for dog poo in carpet?  How many raisins is two scoops?  Where can I (or a certain someone I know coughAmycough) buy a camouflage men’s thong?  Do women in Africa really run around with their boobies exposed?  What hotel are the NKOTB staying in and where can I find a map of the building?  Can you OD on macaroni and cheese? Can you OD on coffee?  What does it mean if you pee blue?  What color are albino polar bears?  If I run over a student driver, how many points will go on my license?  What the hell is a disco stick? 

Now Google has this great new feature.  All you have to do is type in the first few words of your inquiry and a bunch of suggestions will appear in a drop-down menu to help you decide what it is that you really want to find out.  Ya know, the stuff you’ve always wondered about.

Ahem…….allow me:

What I typed: Why can’t……

Google result:  …..I own a Canadian?

What I typed:  Why won’t……

Google result:…….my parakeet eat my diarrhea?

What I typed:  How come I……..

Google result: ……..can’t miss a woman like I miss court dates?

What I typed: Why does…….

Google result: …..poop float?

What I typed:  Is there…………

Google result: ………any way I can get this popular guy to get me pregnant?

What I typed:  Why………..

Google result: ……….is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?

What I typed:  How many cupcakes…….

Google result:  ……..can I eat before my lungs collapse?

What I typed:  How often…….

Google result: ……can I take Plan B?

What I typed:  I found some…….

Google result: …..pills and ate them.

What I typed:  How come my……..

Google result: …….poop smells like moth balls?

What I typed:  The baby……..

Google result:  ………is not mine.

What I typed:  I………

Google result:  ……like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.

What I typed:  Every so often…….

Google result:  ……..I like to stick my head out the window look up and smile for a satellite picture.

What I typed: I picked……..

Google result: ……..the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

What I typed:  My mother said…..

Google result:  …..not to put beans in my ear.

And so on and so on.  So, you see, I’m not the only one who goes to Google for everything.  And by everything, I mean everything.

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One response to “S*&ts and Giggles, Er….Googles

  1. You can put beans in your ear if you want to. But I’m not telling you to do it. Try chocolate chips. Wanna pop popcorn without putting the lid on the pan? THAT would be fun!! And painless.

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