Ignorance runs rampant around my workplace. It often runs in the form of half-shaven, mullet-rockin’, twangy country boys who display their own, personal vocabulary and farmin’ sense of style. And by sense of style, I mean a discernation between the wadded up pile of jeans and flannels that is clean versus the wadded up pile of jeans and flannels that “smeals lak a hurse cum along an’ dropped a turd onit.”
Now don’t get me wrong – we have a handful of gentleman-ly country boys who are so uber-cute that you could just eat their boots with a spoon. And some tall, dark and handsomes that bee-bop around these parts looking like they just jumped off the bull and into your dreams. With chaps.
Unfortunately, they are the minority.
Our company recently filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. This caused the Uprising Of The Country Boys, not to be confused with Deer Season.
“Wut does this mean? Are we gunna get paid? Kin I still take muh vaykayshun days fer huntin’?”
Legally speaking, Chapter 11 leads to a reorganization of the company and a restructure of budgetary allowances. However, this is what one of the genius country boys came up with:
Country Boy: Erebody’s wurred ’bout erething, talkin’ ’bout this an that and bankrupsee. I told ’em ta be calm; that it wasna a bankrupsee, it was a reconstrukshun.
Me: But it is a bankruptcy and it’s a restructure, not a reconstruction.
Country Boy: Yeah. Das wut I tol’ ’em.
In addition to these kinds of regular conundrums, we also receive calls from those lovely call centers in India or Bangladesh or Ookabooka or wherever the hell they’re at. Today, I received one of those calls:
Caller: Hello. This is Rrrrrrrrrryan. Can I please speak with your complaint department in rrrrrregards to a home I am investigating with water damage?
Me: Both of our service representatives are on the phone at the moment, Sir. Would you like to hold?
Caller: No. Could I please just get your mailing address?
Me: 4055 US 401……….
Caller: Could you spell that please?
Me: *snicker* Sure. *snicker* 4-0-5-5-U-S-4-0-1
Caller: OK, thank you.
I love where I live. It’s never boring. My daughter’s selection of suitors*, however, has me a bit worried.
*I special-ordered mine from Denver, CO. Worth every penny.