“Always make time for each other. Take care of each other and the rest will fall into place.”
The words of advice Mawm gave to Chris & I as we stood in the barn across the rural road from my childhood home, watching her sift horse manure through a fine-tooth fork as she doled out wisdom to her child and soon-to-be son-in-law.
We always remember, but sometimes we forget.
I think about those words regularly. Usually when I’m driving, but always when I’m away from him. I think about how meaningful they are, how important they are, how quickly that meaningfulness and importance seem to be set to the side when life hands you lemons or deadlines or two kids and six dogs. I think about whether or not I have spent enough time, in the 5 years that we’ve been together, taking care of him. Loving him. Assuring him that I remember my vows, what they meant to me then and what they mean to me now.
“I love you more today than I did yesterday, and less than I will tomorrow.”
When you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you’ve found your soulmate, life seems bigger somehow. As if you’re living it for two people and not just one. All ideas, suggestions, contemplations, decisions, burdens, exhaustions – are made with that person in mind. It can also be overwhelming, thinking for four people, one of whom is perfectly capable of thinking for himself (and always does) and sometimes usually disagrees with your decision, simply because he’s stubborn hard-headed independent. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos. To get immersed and almost drowned in the Crazy. To take for granted what should always always always be cherished.
We fight, we bicker, we drive each other batshitcrazy. We push buttons and hurt feelings and take the day out on each other.
I love him incredibly. I never tire of him, nor he of me. Oh, sometimes I wish (as I’m sure he does as well) I could wave my magic wand and *poof* have 30 minutes alone to absorb some semblance of serenity again before I once again press “play”, but I always know that, at the end of the day, he’s beside me. Loving me, admiring me, appreciating me, protecting me. He’s my constant to a world of unpredictable variables. I can’t imagine life without him.
I guess I’m feeling guilty lately.
I want to take more time for him, for us. I want to take care of him, take care of us.
The rest will just fall into place.