“It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Some recent text conversations:
Scene: Jen, my Sister From Another Mister, and I are laying in bed (separate beds at our separate houses) watching The Batchelor together.
Me: HE TOTALLY WANTS EMILY!!!!
Jen: I told u!!!!!
Me: And he’s acting all energetic and cheery with this girl to try to make it look like he’s being romantic. You can tell he feels awkwardly about it.
Jen: He adores her, but I think she’s going home.
Me: What’s up with her brows?
Jen: Haven’t notice but I will check it out now.
Me: They’re very…………….drawn. They look so penciled on that you can totally picture her without them.
Me: Like, with a big, naked forehead.
Jen: She’s got great legs though!!!!!!!
Me: Smokin hot legs, yes.
Jen: He’ll give her the key to the room too.
Jen: Fo sho
Scene: Chris is home early while I’m still at the office.
Chris: I cleaned all the blinds, washed the bedding, dusted, scrubbed the dog slobber and KoolAid off the walls, laid down dog powder and vacuumed, and put all my clothes away (lol), and all I have left is to clean the kitchen. What do you want for dinner?
Me: You are most definitely getting laid tonight.
Scene: Ali (My BFF forever) is laid up in a DC-area hospital in the midst of her umpteenth million bout with Pancreatitis.
Ali: too much drugs, nothing to eat or drink xcpt ice and not enough sleep = Ali with bad spelling Bd words that might mean something
Ali: I’m so over exhausted. I can barely finish typing a sentace without falling asleep and them waking up with a test message that looks like thismmmmmmmmbbjki
Me: Hahahahahaha!!!!!! Ali on drugs is funny!
Ali: I can’t sleep Noe thats why thus I’d nuts! Gotta wiat for nurse to give me my Meds si I donu puke on other pioplr and iV machine is beep beep and about to get thrown throgh the window!
Me: Effing nurses!
Me: Flabberty pajama burrito
Me: Just makin’ sure you’re paying attention.
My life is a comedy and I love it. Fo sho.